Race Me

Race is not an issue where love is concerned – that is the stand of sexy Russian tennis star Anna Kournikova.

“(Malaysian men are) very cute but at the end of the day, it is all about the person and it has nothing to do with the race,” she said when asked what she thought of Malaysian blokes at the launching of the Showdown of Champions 2009 – The Grand Slam here yesterday

The Star, 27/10/09

Why must there be questions about race in the first place?

Malaysian reporters always ask the most stupid questions, don't they?

I have often wondered why the forms in our country, be it government agencies' forms or otherwise, must have a column for race at all. There have been occassions when I felt very embarrassed when a foreign client wondered what they are supposed to write in that column.

A Bangladeshi client filled up his as 'Sunni'. A Canadian Turk wrote 'Caucasian'.

Neither one of those are actually a race in the strictest sense, but I suppose in their countries, Sunnis and Shiites do differ in terms of culture and practice, and clashes between them are always referred to as a race issue.

Still, they, as did I, wondered why they have to write that at all.

Can't we just do things without putting race in the mix, for once?

I am reminded of a commercial, I think it was one of the late Yasmin Ahmad's, where a boy was asked what was the race of his friend.

He asked, What's a 'race'? You mean, 'race car", ah?"

Smart boy.

Conversation With An IT Guy

IT Guy :Can I check something with you?

Me :What?

IT Guy :What does it mean when it says ‘DELETED’ over here?
*points to the right margin of a Word document on my computer screen*

Me :You mean, the balloon that says ‘DELETED: such and such’?

IT Guy :What balloon?

Me :Here,… *points to a Comments balloon*, the thing like this one..

IT Guy :Oh, it’s called a balloon..?

Of Bandits and Masks

Growing up, one of the many games I used to play with my friends were cowboy and bandits. We put on a cowboy hat and ran around the yard with toy guns, shooting at one another (yea, yea, I was a bit of a tomboy, so sue me!). Some of us would be the sheriff and his deputies, and the others, the bandits. Truthfully, being the bandit was so much more fun. We get to ‘borrow’ our Moms’ scarves and tie it around our faces like masks. We felt like real bank robbers in the wild wild west.

It was a lot of fun. It was cool!

This morning, as I was walking down the aisle at Carrefour, doing my weekly grocery shopping, I was transported back to those times. I remembered how much fun I used to have playing that and before I knew it, I was grinning from ear to ear and chuckling to myself.

I immediately stopped when I realized that people might think I’m crazy for grinning like a donkey and laughing all by myself. But then I realized another thing, nobody could see me grinning behind the mask I was wearing…

…and that, ladies and gentlemen, is another benefit of the face masks that are the current fashion trend these days. It hides your syok sendiri moments.

Wear it.

H1N1 is on the rise. So many cases are recorded daily around the country. The numbers are alarming, yet the authorities doesn’t seem to be too concerned about enforcing the preventive measures.

I don’t know what yardstick they are using to measure the level of seriousness for this matter, but I think that when there are more than 500 new cases being recorded in a day, it’s looks pretty damn serious to me. Something needs to be done and it needs to be done fast. But in typical Malaysian fashion, the powers that be are probably studying the need to enforce a curfew, or impose ruling on wearing face masks, or to take other measures, and this studies may take months, mind you.

And as always, they leave it to us to take our own preventive measures, like they do in a lot of other matters, like, snatch theft- ladies shouldn’t carry handbags, rape – ladies shouldn’t wear short skirts, car-jacking – you shouldn’t drive alone, etc etc. In the meantime, crimes are on the rise and the authorities doesn’t do anything until something happens. And then they’ll start blaming you for not doing enough to prevent that from happening.

Stupid dum-dum.

Anyway, wearing the masks does not guarantee our safety from H1N1, but it does help to reduce the risk of infection by a huge percentage. Just like the use of the rubber thingy for prevention of AIDS, the use of face masks too does not protect us 100%. So, other preventive measures must be taken, preferably by law, so that those people who are still not alarmed by all this would do their bit to help reduce the spread of this infection.

In the beginning, when people started wearing face masks everywhere they go, I thought it looked completely and utterly ridiculous (I still do actually, which was why I resorted to imagining being in a game of cowboys and bandits this morning to ease down my discomfort). But as more and more people wear masks, those who are not cannot help but feel a wee bit alarmed at seeing all that.

I have to admit, I wear it now not so much because of the news I kept reading in the newspaper, but because everywhere I go, I see concerned citizens taking their preventive measures, leaving me feeling exposed and vulnerable and a bit left out. As much as I am always a non-conformist in a lot of ways, I am not planning to risk my health and my life, just to be different from everybody else. So I decided to join the crowd, even if I have to pretend to be in a game of my childhood years to do it.

And once I started wearing it, it was kinda fun actually, so much so that this morning, I didn’t take it off when I get into my car, and was still wearing it until I got home.

It’s not that bad really, these masks. It just takes getting used to. And if it helps to protect your life, why not? Why risk anything at all?

Join the crowd, be responsible. Help yourself and help everybody reduce the spread of this virus. It’s for our own good.

Ow, What's That Smell??

I had just arrived at a client's office for a meeting this morning when I smelled something bad. I thought I had already caught a whiff of it earlier while walking out of the parking lot, so naturally, I thought that the smell was on me. Maybe I stepped on something. Maybe my cats soiled my outfit. Maybe somehow, some animal poo got smeared on me when I wasn't aware.

So, I quickly excused myself to go to the washroom before anyone else arrived at the meeting. Upon very very thorough checking (and I do mean, very very thorough), I concluded that nothing was amiss. There was no smell on me, except perhaps for my perfume.

I went back to the meeting and carried on, still smelling that thing but not knowing where it came from. The other attendees, Fred, Sam, Lee and Don didn't seem to be bothered by it, so I guessed it was just my imagination. I recalled what happened last Friday, when my cell phone was ringing of the hook, and I was on the line the whole afternoon till 8 at night till my battery died. Even after I went home and my cell phone was switched off, I kept hearing the ringtone. I knew then that my imagination can play tricks on me, and so, I ignored it.

As the meeting concluded and we were all walking out of the meeting room, somehow, the smell got stronger, and as Fred turned his back on me, I realised it was him. Or rather, it was his backside. WTF??

Aiyoh... penat aje aku terperasan sendiri. It wasn't me lah. It was that mat salleh guy.

Hey Fred, go wash your bum every once in a while okay!!

Say What??

Donna : Hey Fred, how can you tell when someone is gay, I mean, by their earrings?

Fred : What?

Donna : You know, if you wear your earring on the left or right ear, it means you are gay, and if you wear it on the other, you're just fashionable? Which is which?

Fred : Where did you hear that from?

Donna : I read somewhere that you can tell if they're gay from which ear they wear the earrings.

Fred : It doesn't work that way.

Donna : Yes, it does. I read about it.

Fred : No, no. it doesn't work that way. What if they wear it on both ears? Some men do that.

Donna : But everybody say you can tell....

Fred : I dunno then. If it's so, it must be the **right ear,............... coz I wear mine on the left (points to earring)



*Names and places (ok, no places, just names) have been changed to protect the identities of the parties involved.

** Oh dear, I messed up again. Fred said the right ear, coz he's wearing his on the left. I guess that's why nobody got the joke... :-( Edited on 13/7/09

F*R*I*E*N*D*S - Episode 3

A few months ago, a friend asked me for help. She was in some kind of trouble, having discovered that she is short of RM10,000-00 in the accounts she was handling at work. Her employer was threatening legal action and she had no choice but to turn to one of her friends for a loan.

The instant I received her text message on this, and knowing what I knew about her dire financial situation, I had a feeling that the money didn’t just disappear into thin air. My dear friend was either negligent in keeping the money safe, or worse, she had actually embezzled it.

Either way, she was at fault. As such, I wasn’t so quick to jump to her rescue.

But as I thought about it the whole day, conscience took over- I had to help a friend.

So I did what I thought was best- I asked no questions, fearing it would make her feel awkward, or worse, that she would confirm my suspicions, and I gave her only a percentage of the amount she asked from me, giving the reasons of my then lack of income as an excuse.

I felt guilty for not being completely there for her, but I had to put my interests first. RM10,000-00 is a lot of money to give away, and I would be stupid to hand it over knowing that there is a chance I would never get it back.

Whether she pays me back or not was not an issue but I did wish to know whether she managed to raise the funds elsewhere and solve that little problem of hers. So, I called her after a few days to ask how she was doing. She didn’t answer my call. I then texted her. She didn’t reply.

The next week, I tried again. Still, no response from her.

Rationalizing that if she had thought that I had turned my back on her, she probably wouldn’t wish to speak to me, I decided to give her some space. I let her be for a few months before I tried to contact her again. Still, no response, either by telephone, text message, or email.

At this stage, I have come to terms with the fact that she's avoiding me. I am so very disappointed with her.

The money I gave wasn’t such a big issue at all, as I have factored in a possible permanent loss when I decided on the amount. But as a friend, I genuinely do care, and even though I may have thought of the worst about her, I had no wish to see her in trouble. And so, her cutting me out like this makes me feel really sad. It was as if I was only good for a reason, and when I didn’t deliver, what point was there for her to keep me around? She obviously didn’t value this friendship as much as I thought she would. That thought made me want to cry.

I spent days thinking how unfair she had been to me, and then I remembered that I had, on occasions, cut my friends out and treated them the same way she is now treating me, for reasons not attributable to them at all, although money has never been as issue in those situations. But the fact of the matter is, alienating friends is an M.O. that is not exclusively hers. It was mine too.

Perhaps this is karma.

Perhaps, the universe is teaching me a lesson.

Perhaps I deserve this.

Or ... *light bulb blinking*, ....perhaps, my friend is in jail!

AH, THAT MUST BE IT!!!

I feel a lot better now.

Lalalala

A Road-Trip With Mom

I've just came back to KL from Alor Setar. I had to drive all the way there just to pick up my Mom, who has declared herself unfit to travel on her own to KL, either by air or by bus, even with her maid in tow. So, she requested that,.. no, let me rephrase that... she ORDERED that one of her children must come all the way to Alor Setar to pick her up and take her to KL.

So, being the only one without much commitment, it had to be me.

Leaving Alor Setar with Mom and her maid this morning, I finally understood why- Mom had stuffed the trunk of my car full of not only her luggages for her Umrah trip this Friday, but also a whole lot of coconuts, bananas, daun palas, all sorts of leaves and ulams, tapioca and even 2 baby coconut trees which she is planning to plant at my sister's house.

Luckily the rambutans are not ripe yet, otherwise she would've cleared her entire orchard and chucked everything into my car!

The 4 hours drive was smooth, thankfully. It rained here and there, but it wasn't all that bad. The only thing that bugged me was the fact that Mom and her maid could not stop eating during the entire journey. First it was sunflower seeds, then it was goreng pisang, then peanuts, then some kuihs. It didn't help that I had to make my usual stops at Bukit Gantang and Tapah to buy fruits and some pau, so they went ahead and chomped on those too.

Did I ever mention how much I dislike people eating in my car especially when I'm driving?

The smell of food is distracting, the sound of sunflower seeds being cracked open is distracting, the sound of people munching is distracting, the passing back and forth of the food packets is distracting. Everything about the whole thing bugged me big time. But of course, I couldn't say anything to Mom, lest she give me that look that says, "My daughter wouldn't let me eat..."

So, I just kept my mouth shut and threw a little tantrum inside my head.

I took her straight to my sister's house in Bangi, where, upon arrival, Mom announced that we are not having lunch as we had already eaten. She must've forgotten that I was driving all the way and didn't even have a sip of water.

So, I took the one remaining pau and called that lunch.

By the time Mom remembered that I hadn't eaten, I had already been sulking for a while and so I declined any offer for food and went out to play with my nephews' cute little kitten named Bob.

"Hi, I'm Bob!"

Bob is sooooooo cute, he calmed me down right away, so I'm not even sulking anymore now.

I'm going back home tonight, to my own cats who must be missing me like crazy. I'd have to come back here in Bangi on Friday to send Mom, my sister, my bro in law and my nephews to the airport.

Mom already told me that she'll be praying in Mecca for me to be a better person, be a better Muslim, wear the tudung, find a husband, bla bla bla....

Eergh... WHATEVERLAH!!