Friday, March 23, 2007

What If?

In the wake of my birthday last Tuesday, I am left with a sense of regret for a lot of things that didn’t go quite well in my life. At times I feel like I’m having an out of body experience, travelling in time looking at the things I have done or didn’t do -- sort of like the ghost of the Christmas past, if you will.

Most of these times, when I look back, I wish I had done some things better.

Why is it that we often dwell on the ‘what ifs’?. My life isn’t so bad that I’d have to resort to a dreamland where all the mistakes I’ve made would be magically erased and I’d live a perfect life. If anything, the mistakes made and lessons learned made me a better and wiser person. Still, I can’t help with the ‘what ifs’.

What if I wasn’t so playful back in school?

What if I had scored straight A’s?

What if I had studied Engineering instead of Law?

What if I had bought that condo I wanted way back then when it was much cheaper?

What if I had been frugal and saved every penny I can?

What if I had not eaten so much in the past few years?

What if I had bought a 40 inch TV instead of 29? (Okay, I don’t know what relevance this is, but just, what if?”)

Granted, these are all choices, and not necessarily mistakes. But the ‘what ifs’ remain.

(Speaking of choices, The Kimster has an excellent piece on the subject here).

All in all, I want to be better at everything I do and generally to be a better human being. But in order to get there, I suppose a little bit of ‘what ifs’ is in order. It helps us reflect on things and make the best available choices in life. And then perhaps, there’ll be a future where I dwell no more on the past. I look forward to that.

9 comments:

X-Matters said...

TS
Reflections, that's what most of us do especially nearing birthdays or New Years. I do that too.
Regrets? I have a few macam dalam lagu "My Way" tu but I make the best out of what I have.
By the way, Happy Belated Birthday!

Elviza said...

DearSue,

First happy belated 21st birthday (since mine stops at 21, yours should to, I figured)

This "what if" thing will make another good round of tag game. Don't you think?

edelweiss said...

Happy belated birthday Sue.
Tomorrow is mine, and the "what if" thing is dancing in my mind .

Typhoon Sue said...

X-MATTERS:-
why do we have to do it around those times huh? heran kan? i cuba nak buat dek aje tapi tak buleh... mesti nak terpikir jugak dgn penuh sentimental instrumental and continental...

thanks.

ELVIZA:-
ya, thanks.

don't fret... sikit ari lagi, ada la mamat yg start a new tag game about 'what if'... and my answer would be:-
1) what if Collin Ferrel is my boyfriend?
2) what if Brad Pitt is my boyfriend?
3) what if Denzel Washington is my boyfriend?
4) what if Wentworth Miller is my boyfriend?
5) what if Colin Firth is my boyfriend?
6) what if Eric Bana is my boyfriend?

EDELWEISS:-
Thanks.
Since I'm not gonna be online tomorrow, let me wish you today, Happy Birthday!
Let the 'what ifs' linger. It'll help you see things better afterwards.

NJ said...

Morning Sue!

Happy belated birthday then.

I know I am a total stranger. I don't know about you, but I like Typhoon Sue the way she is. She is smart, funny. She writes well, she is able to engage her loyal readers.

Stay cool gurl!

Suraya said...

NJ:
errr... thanx... (sambil tersipu-sipu malu sebab kena puji....)

u stay cool too wokeh!

elle said...

hi sue, sorry i forgot ur b'day. and its so near to my boy pulak too. anyway..from the bottom of my heart...happy belated birthday

The Blueberry said...

Sue, dulu I pernah baca cerpen by Isaac Asimov bertajuk "Mr. What If". Dalam cerita tu, satu couple yang telah lama berkahwin sedang dalam tren to get somewhere. Tetiba datang sorang lelaki pendek ala Danny DeVito dan duduk depan diorang. This man bawak satu kotak yang bertulis "What If". Tapi lelaki ni tak boleh bercakap, dia cuma boleh angguk atau geleng je. So eventually couple ni dapat figure out that they could see their life's possibilities in this man's What If box. They became very curious and wanted to know apa akan jadi kepada marriage diorang sekiranya mereka telah mengambil jalan yang berlainan suatu ketika dulu. So diorang pun suruhlah lelaki pendek tu paparkan pelbagai senario dalam box dia... Tapi sampai habis idea mereka mencipta senario, yang tetap mengejutkan mereka ialah ending dia tetap sama - diorang akan berkahwin dan sedang menaiki tren yang mereka naiki sekarang.

So moral of the story (this is totally theoretical and comes from my too-imaginative mind, mind you), kalau you dah ditakdirkan nak jadi macam tu you tetap akan jadi macam tu no matter what path you took. Seolah-olah macam you and me nak pergi KLCC, you might take the Putra LRT and I'll be taking my car. Jalan yang berbeza, tapi destinasinya sama.

Ecewah berfilosofi pulak akak hari ni ahahaha...

Typhoon Sue said...

elle:
thanks

blueberry:
chewahhh... berfalsampah plak nooo... hehehehe
citer tu politically correctlah. but i don't think it's how it is. Qada' and qadar mmg ada, but the choices we make determines the outcome.