Tuesday, August 28, 2007

The Toad

What would you do if your co-worker is a toad who has no regards to rules and regulations and who thinks so highly of herself and who struts around the office everyday acting like a celebrity?

We bitch. That’s all we can do. Most of the time, these people don’t normally do anything bad towards you, well, not directly anyway. They just annoy the crap out of you. That’s all. And that’s why we hate them.

Alright, I hear ya. ‘Hate’ is such a strong word. I take it back. Let me rephrase the last sentence -- And that’s why we dislike them, in a, loathe-their-shadow, repulsed-by-their-smell, detest-their-smirks, disgusted-by-the-way-they-eat, abhor-their-speeches, resent-their-very-presence, disapprove-of-their-works, nauseated-by-their-voice, irritated-by-their-tardiness, abominate-their-arrogance and despise-their-existence kind of way.

I so wish I can just leave her alone in her own little bubble-gum world thinking that everybody likes her when they don’t. But I can’t because I am so freakin' annoyed that she skipped work for an entire week without a good reason and without the bosses' permission and got away with it unscathed! Not even a scratch! The bosses were bitching about it when she was away, and because of that I waited with bated breath for the showdown when she came back, thinking this must be it, that woman is history. But hell! What happened when she did come back the next week? Nothing. N-O-T-H-I-N-G!

The bosses' balls shrunk into their asses izzit? Stupid dum-dum.

And this woman has been strutting around the office ever since acting like she’s untouchable. Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap of the highest degree. Sheep crap. Toad crap. Baboon crap. Every one of them crapping like they have never crapped before.

Too bad I'm powerless here. Otherwise I’ll kick this woman's ass all the way to Timbuktu.

I so don’t like The Toad.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

TAGGED: Blonde Bimbo Moments

I have been tagged by Makji Esah for my blonde bimbo moments. Now, while I pride myself to be a smart, savvy, sharp, shrewd, slick, sly, intelligent, cunning, brainy, brilliant, astute, gifted, knowledgeable, nimble, clever, witty,… (okay, I’m running out of adjectives to describe myself here…).. , I do have to admit, rather sheepishly of course, and without disclosing anything too humiliating, that every once in a while, not that it happens often but it does happen once in a blue moon so to speak… (notice how I’m dilly-dallying here?)… I have had my fair share of blonde bimbo a.k.a stupid-dum-dum moments. I would attribute that to hours of staring at the idiot box, in particular, watching Spongebob. Spongebob makes me act stupid. Ooops, did I just use the words ‘me’ and ‘stupid’ in the same sentence? Oh no!

Ok. Enough of that. Let’s get right to business. My blonde bimbo moments. There is no rule to this game izzit? All the better. Here goes.

Blonde Bimbo Moment No.1

Like Makji and I suppose, like most other women, I was a very naïve young girl once. Err…Who am I kidding? I am still a naïve young girl now! *Pulls legs closer together* *Sits up straight* *Acts demure* *Tunduk malu-malu*

Sungguh! Tak tipu! Tak caya sudah.

Anyway, back to the story. As a 7 year old, I already knew about the birds and the bees. In those days, this was considered advanced. These days, kids know about the birds and the bees from their pre-school!

What I meant by knowing about the birds and the bees is that, I knew as much as what I could get from books. I didn’t understand how it worked in the practical sense. I had a collection of science books and encyclopedias at home that I always spent hours reading. The books say, babies are created when a man’s sperm enters a woman’s body through her vagina. They never elaborated on HOW it enters the woman’s body.

In my naïve kiddy brain, the sperm comes out at night when everybody’s asleep (much like monsters under my bed) and enters the women nearest to him. That’s why married people sleep together, so that the sperm goes to the wife and nowhere else.

It wasn’t until I went to boarding school at 13 that I found out the whole story. Oh, so THAT’S how! And after that, everytime I see a pregnant woman, I’d go, “Aha! What has she been up to lately???”.

Okay, I’ll admit, child naïveté and blonde bimbo thingy are 2 very different things, but we all have to start somewhere, even bimbos.

** I noticed that when people talk about blonde bimbos moments, they always stick to the ones referring to sex and bodily functions. Why, ah? Let’s talk about something else then.

Blonde Bimbo Moment No.2

There was a time when I was going to court and outstation on a daily basis, my car was my 2nd home. I had all sorts of things in there, clothes, shoes, food. Heck, I’d install a toilet in there if I had the space!

Anyway, one day, as always, I was rushing to court in the morning, and I parked my car at Kg Baru LRT station in order to take the train. Changed my driving shoes to my court shoes and off I went.

After my case was called up for mention, the Judge stood it down until 11 am for the hearing. So I waited outside the courtroom, just sitting idly watching people pass by and looking at the floor when all of a sudden I saw something I couldn’t believe my eyes. On my left feet was a black shoe and on my right was a brown one. Hell! I have been walking around for 2 hours wearing mismatched shoes!

I contemplated leaving it as it was since it was almost 11 am, but decided against it because I was already feeling so self-conscious about the whole thing. So, I dragged my 10 inch thick briefcase (you know, the big black one with a trolley that lawyers always drag all over the place?) all the way back on the LRT to Kg Baru and back again to court. I could’ve just left that heavy bag in court but I needed something to cover my shoes, so I had no choice. Came back to the courtroom just slightly after 11 am and got a scolding from the judge for being late. Didn’t tell her the truth of what happened though, I’d sound too stupid.

Blonde Bimbo Moment No.3

At some places in Thailand, they accept Malaysian currency. So, one time when I was there, I bought fresh buah Tai (I don’t know the proper name for it, some say sea coconut, some say palm fruit, but we all know it as Nata De Coco) from a street vendor. She said Ten Baht per pack (which is equivalent to RM1). I took two and in my usual blur sotong kind of way, I gave her twenty Ringgit instead of Bahts, and walked away. Took me a few minutes to realize my mistake and of course by the time I went back, the seller was nowhere to be seen. Luckily it was just 20 bucks. Still, it would have been much cheaper to buy the processed Shamu Nata De Coco in heavy Syrup at Carrefour than to buy the fresh one like I did.

Blonde Bimbo Moment No.4

Was driving home up north on my own one Chinese New Year and heard on the radio of the massive jam at Rawang and Bukit Beruntung. “At a standstill” was what Patricia Patrick said, so I decided to take the back roads thru the MRR. Wanted to go onto the highway at Tanjong Malim or somewhere to avoid the jam, but I wasn’t prepared with maps or anything like that to take the trunk roads. Worse, I didn’t even know whether the names of towns and places I saw on the road signs were heading to or away from the highway. (Signboards should state clearly, THIS WAY to PLUS highway, THIS WAY to the jungle). So, I just drove and drove and drove, digging myself deeper and deeper into the grave, and I ended right smack in some very very big and scary plantation in the middle of some God-forsaken place in the middle of nowhere. Even worst, my fuel tank was nearing zero and there was no petrol station in sight!

I thanked my lucky stars when I finally came across a quaint looking petrol station just before my car ran out of fuel. I managed later to get out of the trunk roads and onto the highway just before reaching Ipoh. And I arrived in Alor Setar 7 hours after leaving KL, without even being caught up in the jam! Goodness, I’ve never been so lost before. Can’t imagine being stranded ALONE in the middle of that plantation with no one in sight.

Hah! Itulah. Next time amik bas!

Blonde Bimbo Moment No.5

Let’s go back in the 90s when I first entered law school. Fresh out of school with no basic law training whatsoever (except all 8 seasons of LA Law, if u can call that training); after the first few lectures and my friends were bad-mouthing a particular lecturer who hated lawyers so much,

Friend: Did she ever practice (law)?

Me : Practice? Practice what? (As in Netball? Basketball? Football?)

Little wonder that after almost 8 years of working as a lawyer, I am still, just practicing.

----The End-----

Okay, so I have to admit further, these are the least humiliating stories. The rest are just for me to slap my forehead again and again every once in a while, and for you to never know. Kena jaga pride jugak wey… malu ah nak citer semua.

As usual, I don’t want to tag anybody, lest they are not happy to be tagged. But if I leave it open as always, then nobody would carry it out, except JT of course, I know she’s game (aren’t u dear?).

So maybe I’ll just hint at them, and if they want to do it, they’d come out. If they don’t like it, they can pretend they never read this entry (they way I pretended not to have read Makji Esah’s Turkey Trip Tag last week and even lied about it thereafter! HAR! HAR! HAR! Pecah ghosia!!!!!)

So, these are the few unlucky or blessed (depends on how you look at it) F*R*I*E*N*D*S whom I am tagging:-

The one in Germany who doesn’t normally shy away from tags
The one in Ulu Dengkil who left the old job there and went back after a month and now wants to be Prime Minister.
The one who is ‘comel sangat’ and loves ciplak-ing.
The one who is limboing the bimbo (and who never did the first tag I sent him many moons ago)
The one who works with HIV + and AIDS patients and comes in here every once in a while.

Monday, August 20, 2007

It's A Windy Day

I’m coughing rather badly these days. It’s been 3 weeks and there’s no sign that it’s gonna stop although it’s not as bad now as when it first started. The violent “Kung! Kung! Kung!” coming out of my throat which almost made me regurgitate my supper every time has now been reduced to a whimpering “Kui! Kui! Kui!” that almost sounds like a puppy stuck in a manhole.

I’ve seen 2 doctors and I’ve tried all types of cough syrups and cough drops, none of which worked. All the Nin Jiom Pei Pa Koa in the world doesn’t work on me anymore. The same goes for air asam jawa and other traditional remedies.

My friend J said that this is the 100 days cough. It won’t stop no matter what, till at least 100 days. What? These germs can count one ah?

Whatever it is, I’m sick of trying to make it go away. The cough medications are making me groggy and all the pantang larang are making me lose out on a lot of things.

So, I’ve decided to give up trying to get better and I’m gonna ignore all the pantang-larang and whatnots and enjoy life as it should be enjoyed, and eat whatever I feel like eating, even if that means I’ll cough my tonsils out tonight.

Can someone get me some ais kacang please?

Despite the cravings for the sweet, ice cold and nutty ais kacang, the cough also caused me to lose my appetite, particularly in the morning. So I’ve been skipping breakfast these past few days, to more detriment than good, unfortunately. Now, if skipping meals of this nature would result in me losing weight, I’d already be Kate Moss by now. But no, in terms of weight loss, NONE whatsoever! Damn it!

What it does to me though, is give me gas. Sorry, don’t mean to be gross, but flatulence is only a natural bodily function that most of us find hard to discuss in public. Men do talk about it a lot. Women simply don’t. It’s unladylike. But I don’t care.

With my grumbling empty stomach getting harder and harder to ignore, I went ahead and had a good lunch today, after which, my tummy produced this humongous flatus waiting to be expelled. But for some reason unbeknownst to me, I can’t expel it at all. Maybe I’m just shy, maybe I’m just self-conscious or maybe I’m just scared of causing an explosion. After all, these gasses are known to be flammable.

Whatever it is, this anatomical whirlwind has been going around my intestines and bumping into things and making quite a big ruckus in there. My oh my, it’s Hurricane Katrina all over again, albeit on a slightly smaller scale of course.

Damn, it hurts.

It’s a windy day today, and that’s why I can’t do my work (as if I actually do my work any other day!).

Perhaps ill Verses, ought to be confined,
In mere good Breeding, like unsavory wind.
Were Reading forced, I should be apt to think
Men might no more write scurvily than stink.
But 'tis your choice, whether you'll read or no;
If likewise of your smelling it were so,
I'd Fart, just as I write, for my own ease,
Nor should you be concerned unless you please

(John Wilmot, the 2nd Earl of Rochester (1647-1680) )

Monday, August 13, 2007

No Title, Just Babble

Woke up this morning all bright and cheery
Came straight to office all smiles and bubbly
Sat down on my chair and it dawned on me
How time flies, the weekend’s over already?

That feeling of dread soon came in full force
Not fear, not apprehension, not remorse
Just sort of numbness, like a feeling of loss
Guess this is what happens if you hate your boss

Damn it! Damn it! Why do I have to work?
I need to go where The Sheep doesn’t lurk
Far far away from here like Captain Kirk
Boldly go where no one has, just to escape the jerk

I want to quit my job and go globe-trotting
Not a care in the world, just out there chillin’
Have fun and adventure that I’ve been craving
And while I’m at it, maybe I’ll go man-hunting

But while I was planning all this, it occurred to me
This place isn’t horrible, although it can be quite stuffy
The Sheep is the only reason that life here is icky
But then again, he’s not always bad, at times he’s quite funny

Maybe I’m over-dramatic, maybe I’m over-reacting
A little bit of tiff and I’m already huffing
Perhaps I should just carry on and pretend it’s nothing
Because really, come to think of it, it’s not a big thing!

Looking on the bright side, the Sheep thinks I’m okay
He just likes to push and make everyone earn their pay
Can’t blame him for that, it’s what bosses do everyday
Okay, so I’ll shut up now, do my work and live another day

Thursday, August 09, 2007

A Little Peace And Quiet Please!

Whilst having dinner with a friend at a fast food restaurant recently, our enjoyment was rudely interrupted with the loudness of the voices coming from the next table. A young couple was having a fight, and by the look and sound of it, it was pretty intense.

I did not wish to listen in to that argument, nor did I wish to be anywhere near fighting couples, but there I was minding my own business and I couldn’t help but hear every single word being uttered by both parties, swear words included.

It was a simple enough issue between them, not uncommon between couples, and not altogether difficult to resolve methinks (but I wasn’t about to butt in and offer a solution to the warring couple, Hell, No!!)

But it’s not what they were arguing about that is the issue here. It’s the fact that they were arguing in a public place, in full view of everyone who may or may not know them.

It’s easy enough to understand that when emotions run high, you don’t really care where you are. You shout when you feel like shouting, you cry when you feel like crying. You don’t care about the viewing public at all.

But isn’t there also a code of conduct somewhere that says we have to exercise self-restrain on a lot of things when we are not in the privacy of our own homes? After all, it’s not about whether or not you are washing your dirty linens in public. Heck, you can ‘wash’ all you want and the Malaysian public would simply stop doing what they were doing and gawk at you till you stop. There simply are too many people out there who thrive on gossip and would love to watch such a spectacle if you are not embarrassed about creating it.

But apart from those busybodies, there are many of us who do not want to be a part of the whole ruckus, even as a mere bystander. These people simply just want to chomp at their burger and enjoy their root beer and have no wish for their enjoyment to be interrupted. That’s all that it was; an interruption, a disturbance, a nuisance.

Sure, arguments can crop up at the oddest places. But any decent human being should be able to restrain themselves from creating a scene, not specifically for fear of publicly humiliating themselves, but out of respect for other people around them who do not need to have their hearings assaulted by the screechings of a hyena and the hootings of a gorilla.

*** And oh, yeah. I'm still at the office at this hour, and the sheep is around, which explains my mood to blog..... What can I say? The guy's my inspiration whether I like it or not!! :)

Monday, August 06, 2007

Of Sheep and Monkeys

Okay, so, I haven’t gone to Phuket or Bali or Mauritius or whatsoever exotic island there is. The fact of the matter is, I haven’t gone anywhere but PD, for only a day that is.

All talk and no action huh? Well, that’s me. If I’m thinking of doing something, I would talk about it for months, saying it again and again, till everyone get bored to death and yell, “Oy!! Shut up and just do it already!”

Same thing with my job, really. Time and time again, I would say I want to quit my job. No matter where I am working and how much I’m getting, nothing is ever enough. I always want to quit after the first few months into a new post. I’ll continue to talk regularly about resigning till finally I would bring myself to do it, perhaps 2 years later. That’s the average time of how long I can procrastinate.

I have now been in this job for almost a year. So, I figured there’s at least a year to go before I finally do something. In the meantime it gives me plenty of things to say about The Sheep, who is by the way, back in the office and have started his baa-baaing to me about 2 hours ago, hence this post.

I have also just realized that in the entire week when The Sheep wasn’t around, I totally neglected my blog and didn’t feel the slightest inclination whatsoever to update it. Yet, the minute he walked in, I totally couldn’t get any work done and just felt like surfing the net all day long. Funny eh?

Maybe I really shouldn’t work and just read the newspapers all days. Haven’t had enough of that lately. So many stories to read; Murders and mayhems galore, and most importantly, monkeys in cyberspace. Speaking of monkeys, many of us would probably agree that at times, watching a Parliamentary session is akin to watching monkeys in a cage. So, the question now would be, who are the bigger monkeys? The ones who write their thoughts in cyberspace or the ones who scream, shout and swear in a cage?

Can somebody give them a banana?

On another note, in light of current events, I am currently putting on hold my year long fixation of finding a place to buy via auction. For the past year, I have been scanning through pages and pages of Proclamation of Sale of property in the newspapers in the hope of finding the best property to buy at an auction. But now I’m reconsidering my options as I really don’t want to find chopped up bodies in a fridge.