CAUTION: Random Ramblings About Memories - Not Worth Reading

I am doing a lot of reminiscing these days, I don’t know why. Not that I am being sentimental about anything, I just remember things all of a sudden – things I never cared to remember before.

I remember my childhood, when I was a confused and tortured soul trying to get out of a very sheltered life. I remember my adolescence where ironically I spent some very liberating years at a boarding school being a self-proclaimed cool gangster kid. I remember my varsity days, when I thought I was the smartest human being on this planet, yet many a time I was proven wrong and fell flat on my face. Yes I remember it all with much clarity.

Yet, I can’t for the life of me, remember what my boss told me to do right before he went on leave for the CNY holidays. Or, who that idiot was who still owe me RM200.00 from my chambering days. Or, who borrowed my book, Harry Potter and The Goblet Of Fire! (This is the missing piece in my collection – I SWEAR, IF I GET MY HANDS ON THE BUGGER…..!!!!!)

Ehem, swaying off track here... ANYWAY,

Memory is a tricky thing, isn’t it? You remember things you want to forget. You forget things you want to remember.

I guess I am remembering a whole lot of things from my past as yet another birthday is approaching. Could this be a mid-life crisis that I am headed for? It is way too early for such thing, unless of course, if I’m fated to die before retirement age,... Gosh, kind of morbid, don’t you think?

Let that not be true. At least let me have my mid-life crisis at a time when I am secure enough financially to take a year off work to go gallivanting around the world and buy a Porsche when I come back thereafter. And not to mention, undergoing liposuction procedure somewhere in between in order to fit into those skimpy bikinis they wear on the streets of Rio (whoops… should I even mention that?).

For the time being, let me just figure out how to achieve that multi-million dollar income before my hair turns grey (because grey haired women don’t look too good in bikinis).

Anyway, I think the fact that I am reminiscing a lot these days has nothing to do at all with mid-life crisis. It’s probably just vanity. When you reach a certain age, you want to feel good about yourself in every way. And if you don’t, even if it’s just a tiny little thing that bothers you, you tend to reflect on your past trying to find reasons for why you turn out the way you do. In fact, more often than not, people do that to find someone to blame for all their shortcomings.

Yea, it’s easier to try to pin it on someone else for all the things I don’t like about myself. I blame it on the weather. I blame it on the rain. I blame it on my Mum for feeding me too much till I can’t fit into those bikinis!

Oye!

ENOUGH WITH THE BIKINIS ALREADY!!

The Blues

Selama ni, hanya kengkawan dan beberapa fellow blogger sahaja yg melawat blog I yang tak seberapa ni, tapi tup-tup weekend lepas ada lebih 600 pelawat berpusu-pusu menjengah ke sini. Hmmm… rasa tersipu-sipu plak… sebab I dengan muka tak malunya telah mendedahkan segala kepelikan diri dalam posting Jumaat lepas.

Apparently, not enough with being Rockybrued recently, I have also been JeffOoied, albeit on a smaller scale. Hmmm…. That’s why….

Okay, so enough of that already. Let’s move on to something less revealing, or at least, something that doesn’t involve undergarments. So here goes.



It’s that time of the year again when I wish the world would stop turning and time would stand still. I’m down and I’m blue, I’m having the birthday blues.

With the big day not too far away, I’m seriously reflecting on the way my life has turned out. I’m not exactly proud of what I have become, but I don’t think that I’m that bad either. But still, there is a lot more for me to do, I just haven’t figured out what.

People say, another year older, another year wiser. I don’t know whether that is true – wisdom is something I truly don’t have right now. These days, I’m feeling dumb quite a bit. In fact, I feel like I’m getting Dumb And Dumber each day.

Perhaps my brain cells are slowly diminishing. I would attribute that to my hours of staring at the idiot box. Research have shown that TV destroys brain cells. So, I guess my sister is right, couch-potatoing IS bad!!!

Heh. Baru tau ka?

Of course it’s bad, not only does it diminish your thinking capacity, it also sags your muscles and adds on fat - the size of my jeans is a testament to that!

Ah well, I guess I should get my lazy butt off the couch and off to the swimming pool this weekend. Perhaps I’ll go to Bangsar Sports Complex, I haven’t been there in ages. If anybody else go there this weekend and see a couple of big giant splashes and waves reminiscent of the ones in The Day After Tomorrow, don’t be alarmed - it’s just me doing my Free Willy dive.

As for my coming birthday, I have no idea what I am gonna do that day. Last year I went to The Beach sulking and pouting. This year, perhaps I’ll do the same. Or not. I dunno.

I wish I can write something profound on this subject. Y'know, the kinda writing that make people gasp and say... that's sooooo beautiful........ It'll make my birthday more meaningful I reckon. But no, all I can ever come up with is the silly stuff like this one. I haven't grown up one bit, have I?

This is what I wrote in my old blog last year:-

Remembered what my Tok did when she was alive... Upon turning 60 years old, she apparently stopped aging..... She lived till a ripe old age of 72, so for the last 12 years of her life, if anybody asked, she'd say she's 60..... never gotten any older than that..... !!! Perhaps I should do the same........ although.... I'm not waiting till I'm 60!

HEAR YE! HEAR YE!! LET IT BE KNOWNST THAT I SHALT HENCEFORTH CEASE TO HAVE BIRTHDAYS AND SHALT FOREVER REMAIN ...............18?

Oh, what the heck!!! Let it come, let it roll, let it embrace me with full force. Vanity is soooooo beneath me...... I'm not gonna be like any other woman who laments aging, it's so conceited..... I'm not one of those narcissistic buffoons! So, this is not gonna bother me this year. The day will come, yes it will and oh, so gloriously too..... but I will be unperturbed, it's just another new day, baby, and I'll still be standing when it passes by... unshaken, unnerved, unaffected.

...but errrr..... let me hasten to add that this doesn't mean I'm gonna tell ya how old I am... so, don't ask!!

Alas, AGE IS JUST AN ISSUE OF MIND OVER MATTER, IF YOU DON"T MIND,IT DOESN"T MATTER!!!!

Heh.

A year later and guess what? I AM vain about my age. Huwaaaa….!!!!!!

Rags And Tags

Aside from murder and mayhem, the issue of ragging had been in the news lately. Although I went to boarding school and went through all the stupid traditions of dorm life and having the not-so-cool experience of being subtly bullied by seniors, none of those incidents would qualify as ragging, at least not in the class of the TUDM college students. So, I can pretty much say I have never been ragged, but I have, just today, been tagged by Nuraina A Samad.

I was just about to write a new post about a certain subject, but since this tag beat me to it, I'll just deal with this one first and save that other idea for next week. That way, I won't be scratching my head next Monday or Tuesday looking for something to write.

The Rules of this game of tag are:-

People who are tagged should write a blog post of 6 weird things about them as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'you are tagged' in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

Okayy, so I have to write about my weirdness. That wouldn’t take long, would it? I’m sure I can finish it in a very short time and without giving it much of a thought. I’m a weirdo, friends have always told me that. It’s about time I face it head-on and admit to it. So, here goes.


6 WEIRD THINGS ABOUT ME

WEIRD THINGIE # 1

I have the compulsion to count certain types of things and in some cases, to make sure it is in even numbers. This is a small case of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) I’ve been told. Nothing serious, nothing too bizarre, nothing that warrants a shrink’s attention. It’s just a little weird sometimes, that’s all.

When I climb a flight of stairs, particularly when I’m alone, I would count the steps – not that I would remember how many steps there were at the end of the day. I just have to count while I’m doing it.

When I buy shrimp at the supermarket, I would count each one. I normally buy in 10s – usually 30. I don’t recall any single time when I simply scoop up a handful and dump it in the plastic bag. No, I have to count each one and buy only in multiples of 10.

But I’ve made it a point to count in my head instead of out loud, just in case people think I’m crazy, which I probably am.


WEIRD THINGIE # 2

Again with the OCD, I have to have my hands clean at all time. I don’t care so much if my feet are dirty, or my T-shirt soiled or my face unwashed – what matters most is that my hands are clean.

If I were to touch anything gross, even a little bit, wiping it away with a piece of tissue paper isn’t enough, I have to clean my hands with soap and water. And if I can’t find soap and water, my hand wouldn’t be touching anything else on my body, not even my already dirty feet.


WEIRD THINGIE # 3

When I watch TV, I like to know what’s coming. So, if I like a certain TV show, I normally would visit the show’s website and look for episode guides. That way, I know what would happen and I’d look forward to it. Spoilers don’t turn me off, on the contrary, I absolutely love it! Once, I was totally in love with the Australian show McLeod’s Daughters. I was horrified when I read in the spoilers that Claire was gonna be killed in an accident. But I watched with trepidation on that particular episode, hoping it wouldn’t happen but knowing for sure that Claire would die. I was already crying even before the crash scene! And I bawled like a baby at the ending.


WEIRD THINGIE # 4

I have to wear matching undies at all time. The bra and the panties don’t actually have to be in the same set but the colours must match – with each other and with the clothes I’m wearing. The reason: Having watched so many medical dramas in the past I’m well aware that in the emergency room, they just rip your clothes off in order to save your life. Whilst I pray to God that no harm would ever befall me, I am mindful of the fact that anything can happen and should it does happen and I ever be in the position where the medical team would rip my clothes off, my matching undergarments would take their eyes away from the bulges on my tummy and the orange peel on my thighs.


WEIRD THINGIE # 5

I’m the most talkative and outgoing person in the company of introverts and the most shy and quiet person in the company of extroverts.

The fact is, I am an introvert. But, over the years, I have trained hard to put myself out there. I participated in a lot of sporting activities in school because it builds self-esteem; I joined the debate team, did miserably at first but came out strong and confident each time. I read law, at which point, what with mooting and advocacy class and all, I managed to force myself to be more outgoing. In the end now, I am not shy anymore, I have come out of my shell, all gloriously confident and chirpy, particularly when the people around me actually listen to what I’m saying. But the reserved nature in me will never go away and in some occasion, it will do a peek-a-boo.

In the company of normal people who can listen as well as talk, I am usually one of the gang. In the company of the shy quiet introverted lot, I’m the preacher, the Ms. Know-It-All, the storyteller, the drama-queen, the mother of all chatter-boxes.

But put me in the company of all the extra-talkative and chirpy individuals, and I’ll be the quietest one. Heck, you won’t even hear a squeak out of me, I can guarantee you that.


WEIRD THINGIE # 6

Adult that I am, I am a Harry Potter fan – books and movies. Enough said.


WEIRD THINGIE # 7

Errr….. 6 weird things only meh? Darn…. I have a ton more.


And so, in the hopes that none of these people I'm gonna tag have been tagged for their weirdness before and that none of them will put a voodoo curse on me, I’m tagging Pugly, The Kimster, The Blueberry, Mr. Hobo, Bloodkingsingstheblues, and Elle… (Elly dear, this is to encourage you to write more, so pls do, I’m sure you’re weird too… I know so… hehehe)

Have a good weekend everybody!

The Animal Within

The news of parents killing their own children had been in the press lately. The latest being that couple from Penang who were remanded yesterday after their 2 boys were found strangled to death. Read the story here, and here.

The story reported in the newspaper is that the couple had been having problems because the husband is taking a 2nd wife. How much of this is related to the murder we have to wait and see. Much will be revealed in the courtroom when the matter goes to trial, but for now, the public is content on speculating and spinning their own versions of the story. I’ve heard various accounts of the story but whatever the version, everyone seemed agreeable on one point – that the mother killed the children out of anger or revenge to the father.

I am not a mother myself but I am well aware of motherly love that people often talk about. Thus, how a mother can kill her own child, whatever her reasons, is beyond me.

We often hear of animals eating their young ones. Cats, dogs, monkeys, all have the tendencies to eat their young, mostly right after delivery and when the young is born weak and feeble. Aside from providing nutrition for the mother, such act is usually euthanasic in nature – the mother eats the weakest one so he wouldn’t suffer.

The act of killing their young simply as an act of revenge on the father, is sadly, a trait only human beings display.

I once read somewhere that humans are cannibalistic in nature. But humans are born with enormous thinking ability and it is that ability that helps us suppress this tendency. However, more often than not, our subconscious minds would allow us to show signs of the existence of these cannibalistic side.

Example: Parents often call their young ones with nicknames such as honey, sugarbun, pumpkin, muffin and a whole lot of others. Question is, aren’t these food?

That, my friend, is the subconscious cannibalistic tendency talking.

I don’t know whether there is an ounce of truth to that but I’m too lazy to research the subject. So, if anyone wishes to do a search, please do.

As for me, I’m quite certain that my mother had never called me anything remotely edible, so I think I’m safe. I’ve observed that my sister calls her children cinta-pot, tot-petot and whole bunch of things ending with “ot”. Though it doesn’t make any sense at all to me, I’m pretty sure that those aren’t food.

Back to the matter at hand, how can a mother kill her child? I really don’t know. Perhaps the animal within took control of her actions. It’s scary and it’s so bloody sad.

A Valentine Story That Has Nothing To Do With Valentine's Day

In today’s New Straits Times, there is a picture of one Mazliwati Md Shah struggling to get out of a Kancil. The struggle, as it appears to be, is due to the fact that she weighs over 200kg. Read the story here.

Abdominal Cellulitis and Hobbit Obesity, that’s what her condition is called. Excuse me, Hobbit? As far as I know, hobbits are not fat, they are small and possibly a bit stocky. In fact, they’re darn cute, Frodo’s cute, Sam’s cute, Merry’s cute and Pippin’s cute…. Hmmm, I’m swaying off track here….. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, why the condition is named Hobbit Obesity is beyond me.

Coming back to this Mazliwati Md Shah, how did she get to be the way she is? I’m curious as to how it came about. Has she always been this big? Does she eat all the time? Is she under some sort of medication with a side effect that says “You’ll get fat”?

I’m no Kate Moss myself, but at least I can get in and out of a Kancil without getting stuck. And I can still run around the office all day and climb up and down a flight of stairs without panting. Heck, I even climbed up and down Bukit Bendera last year! Okay, okay,…. My nephew who accompanied me will laugh at me for bragging about the Bukit Bendera hike - I had to stop every 5 minutes to catch my breath while the old grannies pass me by chatting to each other. How embarrassing!! Anyway, the point is, I can still do all that. In my own sweet time of course, but I did get there. I just have to exercise more regularly.

My sedentary lifestyle is the reason why I can’t lose weight easily. I don’t eat all that much, I know that. But looking at the picture of this Mazliwati, I’m suddenly scared of the possibilities of me turning out to be just like her.

My brain often tells me that’s not gonna happen to me. I’m too smart to let myself balloon up like that. But then again, I’m sure Mazliwati too never planned for this to happen to her. It just happened and by the time she realized that, it’s already too late.

It’s scary.

Now, when I get home tonight, I’m gonna be digging in my storeroom for that exercise machine which I bought last year and long since abandoned. Also, I have to find my Nikes which I chucked in a box of old shoes somewhere. And I have to get me some new pants…. I can’t go jogging in my jeans or in some flower patterned pajama type pants, can I? (Oh yeah, I have lots of those fancy patterned pants, kinda hippie style, y’know).

But first, I have to make sure I can actually wake up early this Saturday to do the exercise. And that means, not hitting the snooze button on my alarm clock repeatedly till it can snooze no more. I know I’ve damaged so many of my alarm clocks because of the over-usage of the snooze function…… but that’s another story.

Happy Valentine’s Day everybody!

Anxiety

My usually not-so-happening blog has been receiving a record number of visitors lately due to a link put up by Rocky at his site to my BBB posting. Wow...I have been Rockybrued and I’m stumped.

Moving on, I am keen to get back to my normal 50-visitors-per-day-and-5-comments-per-posting blog. So, I’m scratching my head to find something to bitch about and as usual, when I need to, I’m blank. So, I’m mulling over the idea of office gossip. Maybe that will lead me somewhere.

My colleague was telling me a minute ago that she’s not feeling well (Sorry N, talking about you now, eh?) Apparently, she gets that every time a trial is coming up. I told her that perhaps it’s performance anxiety. I know I used to have that too, or maybe still have it I don’t know.

In the early years of my career, everytime something big is around the corner, there’ll be not just butterflies, but all sorts of insects and creepy crawlies in my stomach – well, figuratively of course, my life ain’t no Fear Factor!! Then, on the day of the big thing itself, whatever that is, I would be hyperventilating, and I would stumble a couple of times. As I went along I would gain momentum, and it would then become smooth sailing and I’ll emerge a few hours later unscathed.

After that first year of being thrown right in a pool of sharks on a daily basis, I came out stronger and I’ve developed very very thick skin. The butterflies and insects no longer reside in my tummy, but subconsciously, my fear never did go away.

In lieu of the butterflies, I’ll get some sort of an ailment everytime I have to do something major. I may appear all set and confident and my heart is beating normally, but there is always that thing that will appear on the very day itself, a headache or flu, or cough, or even diarrhea. What a bummer!

I have since learned to deal with it. The headache or flu or cough or stomachache may still be there, but once I accept the fact and dealt with it, the physical condition, surprisingly will be lessened somewhat.

According to experts the basic rules to follow when dealing with performance anxiety are these:-

1. Accept the fear- Admit that you are afraid and embrace that admission, but do not let it debilitate you. For the moment, you have to accept the reality and learn to work with it.

2. Focus on your task - Focus on your material and what your task is. Do the best you can.

3. Trust yourself- You have practiced and you have prepared yourself for this performance. So, trust yourself to do it right. Everything will fall right into place.

4. Remember to breathe – good breathing technique is essential. If you are hyperventilating, get a grip! When you control your breathing, you control your heart rate. If your heart rate is normal, you’ll think clearly. When you think clearly, you’ll do well.

5. Just do it – Like the Nike ad, just get out there and do it.

Follow these tips and I'm sure you'll do fine. Or if your fear won't go away despite whatever you do, perhaps it's time to see a shrink.

And please,...... I'm talking about performance anxiety as it relates to public speaking or stage performance or anything like it, not performance anxiety of the other kind.

- A Scene From Panic Room -

Blasphemous Bleached Blonde

I heard that a certain middle-aged blonde female actress made a disparaging remark about the Prophet’s wife on a certain TV show one or two weeks ago. She caused quite a bit of an uproar I heard, but I also heard that she has since apologized for the offensive remark.

That apology, I think, was good enough for me.

But a quick surf on the net forums and chatrooms would show that the public isn’t so quick to forgive. People are condemning her like there’s no tomorrow. One forummer even called for her to be shot to death. Wow… talk about being dramatic!

I never watched the show and I probably never would but the endless discussion that I hear everywhere managed to make me so curious about it. WHAT exactly did she say? I wanted to see and hear for myself what it is all about.

Then, I found this clip on Youtube :-

What do you think?

It is a fact that the Prophet’s wife was much much older than the Prophet when they married. This is a fact which all Muslim must acknowledge and accept. Therefore, the mere fact that someone mentioned it in comparison to themselves being married or to be married to a younger man, in my humble opinion, shouldn’t be an issue at all.

But, the manner in which it is said, and the type of language used in discussing it should always be decent and respectful. It should be handled with class, with respect and with the utmost regard to the sanctity of the name of the Prophet.

“Tua ke tidak tu? Dah nak mampus ke tidak?” is utterly disrespectful and disparaging when said in the same context, to or about any person. Heck, if anyone said that about me, I’m sure I would have snapped and caused some major bodily harm to someone.

But for a Muslim to say such thing about Rasulullah s.a.w or Siti Khatijah is so contemptuous, it is to my mind, an absolute blasphemy.

And the sad thing was, the host and the audience laughed and clapped when she said it. I do not know which one is worse.

I agree that her remarks were uncalled for. Drawing comparison between her own situation and the Prophet’s wife is one thing, but to say it in the manner she said it is another. Even if she was only defending herself upon being attacked by the hosts or whomever, she could’ve said it better.

I'm not so sure now whether her apology is enough. I'm not calling for any action be taken against her or anything, but I do wish that all Muslims should be extra careful when making comments about anything related to religion. After all, we now live in a world where Muslims are being judged negatively simply for being Muslims.

This woman, who probably was trying to live up to her image of being an "artis bermulut laser", should have exercised more care. A woman her age, I would’ve expected wisdom in her chosen words. Perhaps, her wisdom, if she ever had any, was bleached out together with her hair.

Blogger Bully

Okay... so blogger.com have clamped down on errant bloggers. I wanted to log in today and I was literally cornered and bullied into switching to the new blogger.

Fine! You want us to switch so much, have it your way!

But why is it more difficult to log in after it is changed? Isn't it supposed to be easier?

And the comment box? Don't even get me started on that!!!! AAArrrrrrghh!!!!