Thursday, January 31, 2008

Traffic Jam Up Ahead, Please Go Right In

I have been so lazy in updating my blog for a few months now. If there is an award for the biggest lazybum blogger on the planet, I would get it hands down. So here’s something to keep you occupied while I try to get my blogging momentum back.

Stuck in traffic this morning, I was thinking of what to write in my blog when Patricia Patrick’s traffic report came on air. I used to rely on it every day, until I realized that it is as accurate as the government’s statistics on just about everything.

There were times when I was at Jalan Jelatek when Patricia said, “Jalan Jelatek is at an unusual crawl all the way to Jalan Ampang” and I would be taken aback as there I was at a supposedly ‘unusual crawl’, yet my car was moving along just smoothly and jam-free.

What does ‘unusual crawl’ even mean??

There were also other times when I was headed to the same area when she said “Jalan Jelatek is smooth flowing”, and so I went ahead only to get stuck in a bumper-to-bumper crawl for almost an hour.

Talk about inaccurate reporting.

And I’m sure we’ve all heard her whining and complaining about onlookers and gawkers at accident sites. Don’t slow down to look because it would cause traffic jam for miles, that’s what she keeps reminding.

Yet this morning, I heard her reporting that there’s an accident at such and such place and she said, “If you are in the area, please call and tell us about the accident”. Huh?

Okay, I’m getting mixed signals here. Am I supposed to look at accidents now?

Oh yeah, I also heard her say Jalan Jelatek is smooth flowing this morning, and sure enough, it was jammed up.

Man, their reports must be about an hour late.

I think I get better information just sticking up my finger in the air checking wind direction than relying on these radio traffic reports. It’s mush I tell ya.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Backup Credit Card

Is there such a thing as a backup card for Visa and Mastercard?

I received a suspicious call from someone claiming to be from Somerset Card or something like that. This woman called from a mobile no. 016-3324573 and presumably also from 016-4339149 (which I didn’t answer) and explained to me about this service card purportedly used to help us control our spending and stay within the credit limit. This woman proceeded to ask for confirmation whether I am using Visa or Mastercard. I refused to confirm as I was sure they would ask for the particulars of the card next.

I just told her before I hung up, “I know how to control my spending and stay within the credit limit, thank you very much”.

In hindsight, I should’ve played along, giving false information of course, collect all the necessary information about them and hand it over to the authorities. It would definitely make me feel good to play P.I. for a bit, but as usual, I’m always in a hurry to end these annoying phone calls and thus, never bother to pose questions. I really gotta change this habit.

Seriously though, why would we need a card to help us use another card? Unless I’m really dense and do not know anything about the latest financial product on the market that could have possibly been introduced by AKPK for the benefit of all those little earner big spender dimwits, I am dead sure that it is another scam to collect your confidential information and ultimately, steal your money.

So friends, be wary.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

*Sighing Very Very Loudly*

I was at a lunch meeting with a client today when I picked these up coming out of the mouth of The Sheep:-

On the One-child policy in China
“There are exceptions. In some places in China, they are allowed to have 2 childs

On the politics in Malaysia
“Kids follow their parents. If you grow up a child, you grow him up with your ideas and political beliefs.”

(On the phone with his secretary)
“Can you give me the breaknow of what Ho owes me?”
(I assume he meant breakdown)


Reminds me of Billy, the man-goat in the movie Stardust; eventhough Billy just went “mbeeekk” all the way and didn’t speak a single word, the impression left by him was nonetheless similar.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Love Thy Neighbour (Or Not!!)

About 2 weeks ago, I had my front and backyard cleaned. All the rumput and lalang and all sorts of wild growths in my backyard were cut off. It’s fantastic, I can actually see the longkang again.

The pakcik potong rumput then dumped the 10 garbage bags full of the unwanted weeds out to the front of my house. If there were just one or two bags of soft grass, I would’ve dumped them across the street next to the playground, but because there were some very wild and thorny plants sticking out of the 10 bags, I didn’t want any kids passing by to accidentally poke their eyes out or something.

So, the bags just sat there next to my front gate awaiting pick-up. A week passed by and still no collection. Then one fine morning, I noticed some branches of a palm tree with red trunk were dumped on those bags as if that is a proper dumping site for those things.

My next door neighbours have those palm trees on their front yard and it is newly trimmed. So, it must be them.

I fumed.

The plot outside my fence may be common property but it is right in front of my house. Just because I put my garbage bags there doesn’t mean it is a dumping site for everybody. So for them to dump their junks there and not in front of their own house is very kurang ajar.

Nevertheless I said nothing. It’s just a couple of branches. It will be collected eventually, I hoped.

2 weeks passed and still no collection. The bags (and the branches) were still there sticking out like a sore thumb in front of my house. So, last night, I decided to carry them across the street as I couldn’t stand the sight of them next to my gate. Of course I had to position the bags carefully so as not to endanger the kids if they were to come near it.

Whilst transferring the 10 bags, I thought, what the hell, I’ll carry the palm tree branches too. It’s no big deal. I can be nice to these people even if they are not nice to me. It’s a small matter.

So I picked up the branches and in so doing noticed a garbage bag with some rectangular object sticking out of it. I took a closer look and found that it’s a 15 x 20 inch frame with some ugly print on it. HOLY STINKING CRAP!!! These people not only dumped their trimmed branches, they actually dumped their actual rubbish there. RIGHT THERE!!! In front of my house!!!! The nerve!

I threw a bit of a tantrum right there and then. I flung the branches one by one with full force right back in front of their house and kicked the bag with the frame over there too. Never mind that I hurt my toes in so doing. I need to send a message to these idiots. CARRY YOUR OWN GARBAGE YOU SOD!!

As the anger subsided, I finished what I was doing and went back inside. After locking the gate I counted the bags I had transferred across the street.

There were 13. Ciss!!!