Monday, April 28, 2008

Lazy Left Leg

I have again been stricken with another bout of lazyfatassitis. It is a medical condition known to be capable of affecting people of all walks of life-- fat-asses or skinny-asses alike, causing them to have extreme difficulties in moving their asses off the couch and making these people do absolutely nothing all day.

Once diagnosed with this fairly common but highly untreatable disease, the patient is doomed for life -- no amount of spanking, slapping, poking, prying or kicking of one’s ass or whacking of the head attached to the body attached to the ass would cause it to budge, except maybe if you put a bag of Ruffles chips on the dining table thus causing that ass to maybe, just maybe, move like a friction of an inch off the couch while the body attached to it maneuvers a long stick/pole to knock the bag of chips off the table and towards the ass.

Sometimes, in a rare occurrence, one leg (say, the right one) will exhibit a patellar reflex out of nowhere, perhaps subconsciously telling the body that it has had enough and wants to start walking again, and so the body attached to the lazyfatass starts to make a move when the other leg, the lazy left leg exhibits a paralytic syndrome where it absolutely refuse to budge.

It’s like the left leg doesn’t know what the right leg is doing, or vice versa. And eventually, usually, the lazy left leg wins.

No surprises there.

So, the lazyfatass remains on the couch for a while longer.

There is no remedy, no cure, no antidote of any kind for this lazyfatassitis.

The only way to get rid of it is to give it time, because in time, the lazyfatass will get couch-sores (much like bed-sores) and will have to snap out of it, even if only to relapse in the near future.

And so, we just wait and wait and wait…

And we wait some more.


**Lazy Left Leg is a title of a 2004 movie which incidentally was such a flop that only a couch potato lazyfatass would know about it.


Manal said...

Aiyaaaa saya juga guilty of some bed-sore and lazy left and right legs effect.

One prof said to me, people shudnt sleep a lot coz they gonna sleep all the time when they r dead. Sleep is one of the pleasures (nikmat) of life, deprive of it, we gonna be sick, too much of it pun not good at all. Forcing meself to sleep due to laziness nowadays would make me dizzy n tired?

But sometimes i just wanna act like a slob. Hmmm....need some good knocking on me head there...

Pi Bani said...

Never heard of the movie Lazy Left Leg. Does that mean I am officially not a couch potato lazyfatass? :)

Kak Teh said...

oh now you've put a name to a condition that has baffled the medical world for some time now. Just half an hour ago, I told my son to cover me with a duvet while I do some work on my lap top. This refusal to move, by both legs, is certainly more serious. He obediently came over, placed the duvet over me and helpfully put the lap tap over the duvet. A glance at what i was doing on the laptop - he shook his head in sympathy - such hard work, mama. such hard work!
I was halfway palying spider solitaire.
The condition hasn't got to my fingers ...yet.

Typhoon Sue said...

knock knock!!!

no. it just means u're not a couch potato. the part abt being a lazyfatass is still open for interpretation.

my doctor tells me, usually the fingers are not affected, so no worries, ok!

mr.papadom said...

Baby where r u? Apsal lama tak update ni?