Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Pull My Finger!!

I was sitting with my nephew Danial the other day when a popping sound came out of nowhere and he sheepishly said, “Sorry!”.

Cheeky fella, that one.

Flatulence, farting, breaking wind or its Malay equivalent ‘kentut’, is a common and normal biological process as common as eating and breathing. To put it another way, one can’t claim to be human if one doesn’t fart.

So you just can’t blame someone for having to expel their bodily gasses wherever they are, but manners dictate that you do it discreetly, and without causing discomfort (or harm, depending on how toxic the gas is) to anyone else.

I’ve heard of a term ‘kentut ubi’ being used by someone from my hometown. I have no idea what type of fart that is but I assume it is one of the smelliest farts produced by eating too much ubi kayu or tapioca.

Must be as potent as those produced by eating baked beans.

That’s not a myth y’know! The Mythbusters of Discovery Channel actually experimented with beans and concluded that eating beans does indeed give you gas. Lots of ‘em. Potent ones too. Very flammable.

So the next time you see someone picking up a can of baked beans from the supermarket aisle, just stay away from them for a while, will ya?

I do not know if there is any other variation like kentut durian or whatever but if you’ve heard of such thing, do let me know.

For yonks, flatulence have been the butt of jokes all around the world. There are fart jokes in TV shows, plays, political speeches and even in academic conferences.

Of course, no comedy film would be complete without ‘em. Remember The Nutty Professor? Or even better, that unforgettable scene by Carmen Electra as the blind woman in a wrong house in Scary Movie 4-- that was hilarious!!

Then there’s the usual prank “Pull my finger!” which we have seen in The Simpsons, Scrubs and countless other TV shows, where the finger works like a switch opening the valve to unleash gas. People never get tired of that it seems.

Farting is funny. No doubt about it. But how funny is it really if someone actually farts in your face and you have to smell the oh-so-nauseating gas?

When I was younger, I did have that ability to just unleash my noxious fumes in front of my friends – sometimes in retaliation to them doing it to me, and sometimes in an imbecilic farting contest. Now however, I find such things repulsive.

Imagine this, gas accumulates in your digestive tract, goes through your lower intestines, and comes out to the real world through your anus and flies straight into the noses and mouths of anyone sitting next to you.


So it bugs me big time when a friend, while talking to me, casually lets one out right in front of me. The fact that the odour wasn’t so strong was not the point. The point is that the act itself is disgusting and ill-mannered.

Then another friend, while I was driving and she hitching a ride, casually shifted in her seat and hey presto-- I smelled her fart a second after. How rude!

Faint as the smell was, it still smelled of fart. It’s noxious gas coming out from her belly through her rectum into an air-conditioned enclosed space with other people in it.

I literally gagged and was so bloody pissed off. I still am.

Hey, I don’t claim to be a saint or claim to have never done the deed. But I’d like to think that I’m refined enough not to subject anyone else to breathe on my gas emissions. So, instead of polluting the air for everybody and embarassing myself to the point that I’d feel like sticking my head in the oven, I would surreptitiously slip to some corner somewhere to discreetly relieve myself of my predicament.

Of course, unlike my friends there, I would never fart in a car unless I’m alone in it!!

And now, having missed sahur this morning, I have been fasting on an empty stomach and I can feel gas begging to be let out. No worries though, as I’m sitting here alone in my office with the door closed, I can do whatever I want.

I’ll just sit here and pull my finger. Stay out of my office everybody!


Manal said...

Farting pon ade thru the vagina jugak. Its called queef.

Yea, u r right on the manner. Nak kentut pi la kentut jauh2 or alone in ur own room. But sometimes kan "ter" lepas jugak especially kat library. I dont know what the hell is the books effect that made me wanna fart but without any sound ie the silent fart? Must be some chemicals from the papers there....

Flatulence is also another way of our body telling us that it needs to release those unwanted gases as a result of whatever food or drink we consume. But those odorless ones are mostly memang contains 90% nitrogen (kentut yg takde bau tu la).

Sape yg tak boleh kentut tu mmg ade penyakit la somewhere down the bowel and colon system.

Kak Teh said...

sue, i think it is still the best method to clear a crowded lift or bus.
another good source of bad gas is nangka - gerenti you!

Pi Bani said...

And when the "silent but deadly" kind takes place in a lift full of people, the next scene would be the "whodunnit" looks on everybody's faces - including the culprit's!

Funny, the word verification for this comment is "ggastu"... siapa punya gas lah agaknya tu?

Typhoon Sue said...

hmmm.. never knew that. tq.

ada sorang kawan i penah cakap, "eiii... i tak reti la nak kentut-kentut macam nih!!!"...

mak oi! Nak tipu pun biarlah lojik sket.. buduh betul!

ya betul. cepat aje org nak lari, including si pesalah tu. otherwise semua org tau dia punya kerja... haha

kentut nangka, mesti bau dia macam manis sket dak? hahaha

itu la. pura2 innocent plak dia .

Kebetulan plak word verification thingy tu ye? Macam pandai je...

Royalshoppingarcade said...

tq for letting me know about queef.That leads to another question from me.Batal tak air sembahyang kalau I queefed?eh, ada ke such word?hehhe..
Tq typhoon sue for the chance to ask questions from Manal and a very 'bombed' subject too!hahaha..selamat berpuasa...

pugly said...

Didja know that if you kepit kuat2 & kemut kuat2 the fart will go back in? I sometimes do that when I can't be arsed (pardon the pun) to ambil wudhu again. I know makruh, but sometimes tak practical la ... especially when you happen to be extra 'windy' that day i.e. asyik nak terkentut je kerjanya.

Typhoon Sue said...

kwn i ada pernah tanya, "klu kentut batal puasa tak?"
i gelak guling2 dengar soklan dia.

i know!!! i pon selalu buat... hahaha!
usually i do that when it's not a proper place for me to lepas, like in an elevator ke, but then the gas will go back in, and goes further up, and then everybody will hear a loud grumbling noise coming from the direction of my tummy....
i buat tatau je selalunya,.. so long as tak de bau and tak kentut, takpe la bunyi mcm mana pon.