Tuesday, June 30, 2009

F*R*I*E*N*D*S - Episode 3

A few months ago, a friend asked me for help. She was in some kind of trouble, having discovered that she is short of RM10,000-00 in the accounts she was handling at work. Her employer was threatening legal action and she had no choice but to turn to one of her friends for a loan.

The instant I received her text message on this, and knowing what I knew about her dire financial situation, I had a feeling that the money didn’t just disappear into thin air. My dear friend was either negligent in keeping the money safe, or worse, she had actually embezzled it.

Either way, she was at fault. As such, I wasn’t so quick to jump to her rescue.

But as I thought about it the whole day, conscience took over- I had to help a friend.

So I did what I thought was best- I asked no questions, fearing it would make her feel awkward, or worse, that she would confirm my suspicions, and I gave her only a percentage of the amount she asked from me, giving the reasons of my then lack of income as an excuse.

I felt guilty for not being completely there for her, but I had to put my interests first. RM10,000-00 is a lot of money to give away, and I would be stupid to hand it over knowing that there is a chance I would never get it back.

Whether she pays me back or not was not an issue but I did wish to know whether she managed to raise the funds elsewhere and solve that little problem of hers. So, I called her after a few days to ask how she was doing. She didn’t answer my call. I then texted her. She didn’t reply.

The next week, I tried again. Still, no response from her.

Rationalizing that if she had thought that I had turned my back on her, she probably wouldn’t wish to speak to me, I decided to give her some space. I let her be for a few months before I tried to contact her again. Still, no response, either by telephone, text message, or email.

At this stage, I have come to terms with the fact that she's avoiding me. I am so very disappointed with her.

The money I gave wasn’t such a big issue at all, as I have factored in a possible permanent loss when I decided on the amount. But as a friend, I genuinely do care, and even though I may have thought of the worst about her, I had no wish to see her in trouble. And so, her cutting me out like this makes me feel really sad. It was as if I was only good for a reason, and when I didn’t deliver, what point was there for her to keep me around? She obviously didn’t value this friendship as much as I thought she would. That thought made me want to cry.

I spent days thinking how unfair she had been to me, and then I remembered that I had, on occasions, cut my friends out and treated them the same way she is now treating me, for reasons not attributable to them at all, although money has never been as issue in those situations. But the fact of the matter is, alienating friends is an M.O. that is not exclusively hers. It was mine too.

Perhaps this is karma.

Perhaps, the universe is teaching me a lesson.

Perhaps I deserve this.

Or ... *light bulb blinking*, ....perhaps, my friend is in jail!


I feel a lot better now.



mekyam said...


sounds like a friend not worth keeping. being off by 10k for someone dealing with company books rank of fish to me. you have to admit that your guts did warn you. :D

karma-schmarma! i don't think you need to beat yourself abt this. did i get it correct that she didn't even have the grace to thank you?

re cutting off friends, would this include friendship that just drift off? they don't really end but just lose immediacy. that happens to me a lot and personally i don't consider that as cutting off. the chumminess can resume anytime when opportune.

that said, i too have sorta distanced myself, like cut-off gradually, from certain "friends" when i changed my mind abt having anything to do with them. usually these are those who showed themselves as toxic and resentful, even if the toxicity and ill-will are not aimed directly at me. perhaps that's why i don't do abrupt cut-offs. those types can be vindictive if they think they're snubbed. :D

Hjh Esah Jolie said...

wahh.begitu sekali. is she really? Pi lah visit.

Kama said...

I fully sympathise .. pak abu kena two years ago and is 60k poorer for it at the moment. konon nak tolong kawan who needed $$ upfront to undertake a govt contract (I dah berbuih nasihat toksah bagi sebab my gutfeel lain macam).. now the scumbag dok avoid kami like a plague..

Pi Bani said...

No lah Sue, I don't think she's in jail. If she was, she would have called you to ask for legal help...
(ni saja nak bagi your light bulb padam balik... hehehe)

Typhoon Sue said...

she thanked me when i told her i have banked-in the money. After that, nothing more.
no, i didn't mean drift off. Cutting off, by avoiding them altogether, usually rather abruptly, leaving them wondering what they did wrong. And they're not even toxic!

she lives so far far away...(ceh...alasan...)

luckily i didn't give that much

pi bani:
you nih...!!!
kasi can la orang nak rasa lega sikit
I'm telling u, she must be in jail lah, balasan utk org2 yg embezzle duit company, and duit kawan..hahaha

pugly said...

Sue, I can sooooo relate. Been in your shoes about a year ago - the exact feeling I had with you-know-who ;-)

Well, what I can say is: Good riddance to them! They have proved only one thing: that they're good for nothing. And I agree with Mek Yam, don't beat yourself up over it. They're soooo not worth it. Tu lah, lain kali kalau terasa nak derma ke, nak sedekah tu, bagi je lah kat I, at least I would've had the courtesy to thank you & answer your calls. Hiks.


typhoonsue said...

*hugs and raba2*


not beating meself up over it anymore. I'm very good at solving problems y'know...as always, i'd make up a theory (that she's in jail and is thus unavailable), and make meself feel better about d whole thing. Simple.

Desert Rose said...

Sue (aceh mcm panggil nama sendiri la pulak),

Let it be, she'll come to her senses ...

Besides, u'd shown that u care

Anonymous said...

Memang banyak, repeat banyak (note: bukan ramai) org macam ni. I selalu kena 'coz tak sampai hati bila they all merayu-rayu dengan janji-janji manis. Alasan I : hanya Allah yg tahu samada betul ke tidak. Kalau betul, tak tolong pulak padahal I boleh tolong, takut Allah marah. Kalau dah tolong tapi sebenarnya kena tipu, I doa ajalah Allah gantikan dgn yg lebih baik. Setakat ni belum pulak kebulur sebab tolong org. Nyaris nak kena declare bankrap adalah. Nama bertahun-tahun dlm CITOS. Tak apalah. In the end mati bukan boleh bawa pun. Harta Nabi Allah Sulaiman yang sebayak-banyaknya tu pun dia tak bawa mati. La ni tak da pulak I dengar org kaya sebab dia anak-cucu Nabi Sulaiman. Don't worry. Part dia dapat balasan nanti dah sure punya. You pulak, tak berbaloi nak fikir apa yg dah tak da, baik kawan atau duit. Banyak benda lain lebih seronok nak fikir. Kalau memang hak U Allah akan gantikan. Kalau tak mungkin Allah nak 'bersihkan' harta. Mana tau tak cukup zakat ke, apa-apa ke. Keh, keh, keh....


typhoonsue said...

desert rose:
i hope she will come to her senses, coz i'd like to give her a piece of my mind

ooo...in that case, can i just consider what i lost as my zakat for this year? :-)
no tax write off for this one though.. *sigh*